Am I the victim of coercive control?

Most people when considering whether they may be a victim of domestic abuse think of physical or verbal abuse. More recently, greater consideration has been given to the concept of controlling and coercive control. Coercive control refers to a persistent pattern of controlling, threatening, or intimidating behaviour. Unlike isolated incidents of violence, coercive control is about ongoing oppression and entrapment. It can make victims feel isolated, dependent, and powerless.

People often ‘put up with’ behaviour that may seem innocent when considered in isolation. However, when reflecting on the incidents as a whole, it can highlight a persistent and systematic approach to causing fear.

Examples of controlling and coercive behaviour can include (Government’s Statutory Guidance Framework):

• Isolating a person from their friends and family
• Monitoring a person and their time
• Using spyware or monitoring a person through online communication tools
• Telling them repeatedly that they are worthless
• Threatening to harm a child
• Physical intimidation and criminal damage to property
• Taking their wages or benefits
• Belittling a person in front of their children

This is not an exhaustive list, and the abuse is judged on a case-by-case basis.

The impact of coercive and controlling behaviour does not leave visible injuries, but the emotional and psychological impact can be profound and long lasting. It can also affect a person’s relationship with their children, such as if the child has been taught to believe that it is acceptable behaviour and can ultimately, affect the perception the child may have on them.

Recognising the Signs

Warning signs include:

• Feeling scared to disagree with their partner
• Doubting their own memories and perceptions
• Losing contact with friends and support networks
• Feeling responsible for their partner’s behaviour
• Changes in confidence, self-esteem, or ability to make independent decisions

If you have left it is important to seek the appropriate advice and support from family, friends, a domestic abuse agency and a solicitor.

Sources of Support

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247
• Women’s Aid: www.womensaid.org.uk
• Refuge: www.refuge.org.uk
• Men’s Advice Line: 0808 801 0327